Why Doesn't She Just Leave Him?and other Myths in an Abusive Relationship

One in EVERY four women will experience domestic violence in their life time…25% of the female population...

 An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

85% of domestic violence victims are women.

Almost one-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.

In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.

Less than one-fifth of victims reporting an injury from intimate partner violence sought medical treatment following the injury.

Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew.

These facts, derived from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, NCADV, are staggering.

With the Kelly Rothwell case, I’ve been hearing a lot of “Why didn’t she just leave him” murmuring and some say they don’t understand why, if Dave Perry was so abusive, she didn’t just leave. The truth of it is, it’s not that simple nor is it that easy. Luana Greenfield was married to Perry for ten years during which time, according to Luana, he was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to both her and their children. The thing about controlling obsessive types like Perry is that they worm their way insidiously into the very fabric of their victims’ lives. They are predators, always on the lookout for something better to come along.

In Kelly’s case, Perry started out as a charming, wealthy guy with a good income from “stocks”, so he said. He smiled, he joked, and he carried her groceries. He sent flowers to her work, to look attentive and sweet. He called her all the time, saying he missed her. She was charmed; Kelly had had a prior marriage where all of the attention was deflected AWAY from her, or else was non-existent. She was charmed by Perry’s attentiveness; the flowers, the phone calls, the constant texts were all directed to get her to fall for him. When, after three weeks, Perry moved down to Florida, he moved into KELLY’S condo and promptly made her put him on the lease. 

That’s what predators do.

The first steps of an abuser are to ingratiate themselves into a victim’ life and become indispensable to that victim. Perry quickly started doing all the housework; he shopped for groceries, cooked the food for them, washed the dishes, did the laundry, and even ironed her clothes for her. Perry had the cell phones put in HIS name, an Elmira area code and number, even though he stayed in Florida for almost four years. It was his way of controlling who Kelly called and when she called them. It was his way to keep tabs on her. He did all the banking, paid all the bills and started manipulating Kelly, keeping her from her family and friends, isolating her from others. His car was still registered to a New York address.

That is what a predator does. A domestic violence abuser is usually a control freak and often his victim will just give in to a situation rather than spark a fury. In Luana’s case with Perry, HE controlled the money and would take her paycheck when she walked in the door. He kept her off balance with tremendous mood swings and fits of violent rage. He threatened to kill their children; he threatened to kill Luana as well. He was physically very strong, he worked out a lot. Statistics show that a lot of abusers are compulsive about their physique; they are vain and obsessed with themselves. Part of the hold they have over their victims is then ability to convince the victim that they are worthless without the abuser, that they couldn’t POSSIBLY get along without the abuser in their lives. With children in the home, the cost is doubly sad. Children, especially boys, who witness violence from their parents, are 50% MORE likely to be violent with their OWN children. It is a learned response.. It is all they know.

Kelly Rothwell decided she needed a career change. Perhaps she was embarrassed that she found herself in a relationship where she realized she was being controlled; she didn’t tell her family of friends about it, she kept it to herself. She thought by placating Perry that she wouldn’t make waves. She tried to play nice. But as she started her new career as a police cadet, she began to realize that the videos on domestic violence required for class were mirroring HER life. She began to feel empowered and she eventually made the decision to leave David Perry.  But for those who say “why didn’t she just leave” Kelly’s decision just wasn’t that simple  OR easy. Cut off from family and most of her friends, she was starting over, again. New job, new career, new life. She needed to find a place to live; she needed to get her ducks in a row, all the while still living with her abuser. He felt her pulling away from him so he stalked her, called her constantly and then texted her incessantly when she wouldn’t answer his calls. He followed her, and then would accuse her of cheating on him. 

 He did the same to Luana during their marriage.

When Kelly was finally strong enough, felt self confident enough, she told Perry they were through. His pleadings and crying turned ugly and mean.

 On March 12th, 2011, Kelly Rothwell decided to take her own life BACK from David Perry.

It now seems he just may have taken hers…..

Waiting for Justice for Kelly

Good morning all~~
What you are about to read is graphic in detail; parts of an interview with Luana.. they may be upsetting to read, but they are the TRUTH and I felt it necessary to write it.. thanks..Leigh

I had a long and interesting discussion with Luana, DP ex-wife yesterday. As some of you may know, I had interviewed her extensively several weeks ago; she was incredibly brave and helpful. I purposely DIDN'T publish a lot of her interview, because at that time I was afraid for her safety. She had told me weeks ago the same info that was published that week, that she thought DP killed Kelly; he had threatened Luana multiple times in their tumultuous 10 year marriage.
"He told me  that he knew how to kill somebody and get rid of the body so that NOBODY would find it," Luana said. " He talked about using a wood chipper and dumping the body parts in the river.. He said that nobody would find any of me." He also held a gun to her head and made her urinate into a Tylenol bottle to avoid a random urine test while working at the prison. He grew pot in their basement. It was also convenient that he was trained in the testing procedures and was able to fake his test. It's widely thought that he did it for others in the prison; a small group who were his "friends" and fellow drug dealers.
What is remarkable to me is the absolute HELL this man not only put Luana through, but his children as well. He used to hit his daughter Brandi all over hers legs and thighs.. she would often go to school with bruises all over them.
"He would get mad at her"whining".. he would pick her up and throw her down on the ground.When she tried to run upstairs to her room, her would chase her up the stairs. All I could hear was yelling and slapping. he used his fists on her. And nobody was allowed to go up and help her... if you did, you got the same treatment.," Luana said.
Luana's other two children, Davey and Britney also received like treatment at their father's hand. He would  regularly slap them and belittle them... they tiptoed around him, never knowing if something innocuous would set his temper off.  A certain thing out of place, laundry not done properly.. it all made him mad.
"Dave would get down on his hands and knees and BEAT the floor, screaming 'WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?'   all the time. It's like he would lose him mind or something." Luana said. "then he would start swinging, and he would say.. see? you MAKE me  do this.. it was sick, JUST sick."

"He kicked Britney out .. she was 18 and had a little baby.. she stayed with me for four months, before she ended up staying with her boyfriend, now husband.
I am learning more each day about this psychopath... Luana would vacuum the house.. he would grab it when she was finished and do it again.. and again...
"When I saw that the neighbor in Florida said he could hear vacuuming all the time, I knew that was the truth. I lived it."
Dave Perry is a waste of flesh and bone.. let's bring him to justice.
Leigh~~

Elmira New York to Hold Candlelight Vigil Saturday April 30thin Eldridge Park

Elmirans are coming together on April 30th at Eldridge Park, in Elmira at 7:30 to honor Kelly Rothwell, the missing police cadet from Florida who lived with Elmira native David Perry. The vigil will be set around the lake in the park's center and the local news media has finally gotten involved.

This case has certainly galvanized this small town, where a large percentage of the jobs market is centered around the Elmira Correctional Maximum Security facility, otherwise know as "the  Hill." Since  I started writing about this case, many people have come forward with information and opinions.
The feelings in this town are predominantly AGAINST David Perry; there are those who think he's guilty of the murder of Kelly Rothwell. I include myself in that group. What emerges from the psyche of this small, tight knit community is a dark and sordid picture of a man who severely beat his wife and children, who was a obsessive.compulsive with a major drug problem, a sociopath who bullied the women  and family in his life. It is widely believed that he faked an injury during a minor inmate scuffle at the Elmira Correctional facility where he was employed as a Corrections Officer, and used the incident to garner a 3/4 Pension from the State of New York and disability paid for by Social Security.

Many Elmirans have joined the Bring Kelly Rothwell Home Facebook page and posted loving comments to Kelly's family and friends. But Perry, ever the control freak, has been posting on the sites as well, in a hit and run fashion, changing names and email addresses when caught. He is obviously following blog sites, where he has made disgusting and accusatory comments about Kelly, ALL of which are false and have been discounted  and removed.
What makes this case doubly sad is that Perry cannot be compelled to talk to police and he has retained lawyer Tom Reilly, known for his strict defense of right's law. The fact that Perry has constantly been taunting Kelly's family and friends with seeming impunity is a double insult to Kelly's memory. His taunting shows a twisted, sadistic man who thinks he's gotten away with murder...literally....

 Rothwell has been missing since Saturday March 12th from their Florida condo in Indian Rocks Beach, after she left a lunch date at Chili's with her best friend Donna Scharrett earlier that day.
 During that lunch, Rothwell told Scharrett that she was breaking up with Dave Perry because of  his obsessive compulsive nature.Kelly Rothwell went back to their condo to confront David Perry. She hasn't been seen since. Perry fled to Elmira and had been in hiding, refusing to speak to police.He surrendered his car to authorities only after NY State Police executed a warrant and is still refusing to provide police with a DNA sample.